Boundaries and the dating rat race.
Dear BrokenHeartedGirl,
Moving forward after getting hurt can be hard when you’re carrying large suitcases of emotional baggage with you. You’re probably not sure where you stand emotionally and you may or may not secretly hate all men. So how do you get back into the dating rat race without ending up with even more baggage?
It’s not easy, but start by thinking with your head and not with your heart.
Stop to consider what you want out of a date right now. Are you interested in:
A fling?
A long-term monogamous relationship?
Short-term dating?
New friend(s)?
Flirting with guys online/at the bar (taking it no further than that)?
When you’ve defined your intentions, take them to heart – that way you won’t get hurt and you won’t unintentionally hurt an innocent bystander. In other words:
If you’re looking for a fling, then make sure the guy you’re interested in doesn’t have intentions of marrying you (you’ll only hurt him).
If you’re really looking for a long-term, monogamous relationship, then don’t go home with some strange guy you meet at the bar (you’ll just feel really guilty and gross the next day).
If you’re looking to date someone in the short term, then walk the line (this is harder than it seems).
If you just want to flirt with someone, then smile, laugh, dance and walk away (don’t give out your number and don’t go home with him).
Every so often, evaluate your intentions. Maybe you’re over the ‘fling’ stage and you want to try casual dating again? Maybe you’re over casual dating and you want to have a boyfriend? Whatever stage you’re in, check to see that you’re moving forward and gaining confidence. If not, then it’s always okay to take a step back.
So use your head. And when you do meet someone that you really want to be with, PLEASE let your heart take over. You’ll know when it happens. But until then, stay within your boundaries and have fun!
Feel better!
MJ
Moving forward after getting hurt can be hard when you’re carrying large suitcases of emotional baggage with you. You’re probably not sure where you stand emotionally and you may or may not secretly hate all men. So how do you get back into the dating rat race without ending up with even more baggage?
It’s not easy, but start by thinking with your head and not with your heart.
Stop to consider what you want out of a date right now. Are you interested in:
A fling?
A long-term monogamous relationship?
Short-term dating?
New friend(s)?
Flirting with guys online/at the bar (taking it no further than that)?
When you’ve defined your intentions, take them to heart – that way you won’t get hurt and you won’t unintentionally hurt an innocent bystander. In other words:
If you’re looking for a fling, then make sure the guy you’re interested in doesn’t have intentions of marrying you (you’ll only hurt him).
If you’re really looking for a long-term, monogamous relationship, then don’t go home with some strange guy you meet at the bar (you’ll just feel really guilty and gross the next day).
If you’re looking to date someone in the short term, then walk the line (this is harder than it seems).
If you just want to flirt with someone, then smile, laugh, dance and walk away (don’t give out your number and don’t go home with him).
Every so often, evaluate your intentions. Maybe you’re over the ‘fling’ stage and you want to try casual dating again? Maybe you’re over casual dating and you want to have a boyfriend? Whatever stage you’re in, check to see that you’re moving forward and gaining confidence. If not, then it’s always okay to take a step back.
So use your head. And when you do meet someone that you really want to be with, PLEASE let your heart take over. You’ll know when it happens. But until then, stay within your boundaries and have fun!
Feel better!
MJ
posted by MJ @ 7:40 AM
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