Infidelity Forgive or Forget?
Many factors can ruin a relationship. Infidelity is one of the top reasons. Why is it that infidelity is hard to forgive and forget? The aftermath is usually longer than the actual affair. What are the effects of infidelity on a relationship?
Trust
Infidelity affects the trust level in a relationship. A relationship is a commitment to each other, together and apart. Infidelity breaks the trust that one has for their partner when they are apart. An affair is cloaked in location and activity lies. Therefore it is difficult to believe what one says.
If there are children in the relationship, they are being lied to also. The time spent away with the lover, is time away from the children. One must lie to them about their absence. Older children are keener, thus they can see through and dissect lies. Too many disappointments can lead to resentment in children. With resentment and lack of trust, it is impossible to have a healthy relationship with one’s children.
Lack of trust may cause constant suspicion and interrogation. This can create a tense and hostile home environment, even if the affair is over. The lingering aura of the affair is enough to cause spontaneous arguments.
Self Esteem
Infidelity hurts one’s partner, because it may attack their self-esteem. One begins to question their value and worth against their partner’s lover. What is it that he/she has that I don’t have? Are they younger, slimmer, more handsome? Self-analysis easily transpires into self-criticism.
Self-destructive criticism manifests into a self-fulfilling prophecy. One who feels ugly, sometimes becomes ugly. Depression is a highly plausible result of destructive self-criticism. Depression literally depresses drives and motivation. The desire to care for one’s physical appearance begins to decline, and then disappear. The infidelous partner uses this as an excuse for their infidelity. In actuality they have directly contributed to it. Low self-esteem in one’s partner can manifest in any ways other than depression. It can cause the offended partner to become adulterous, themselves.
Partners and spouses are not the only ones to suffer a self-esteem blow when one cheats. Children begin to question their worth when they witness a parent’s infidelity. Many may blame themselves for the parent’s absence. They may feel that they are not good enough, or behave well enough for the parent to want to be with them. They may feel that they have driven the parent away.
These can lead to anxieties in a child such as perfectionist behavior or obsessive-compulsive disorder. Girls who grow up with an adulterous father may develop trust issues with men when they grow up. Or she may have hostile feelings towards men because of what she witnessed her mother endure, when she was a child.
Boys who witness infidelity may have low respect for women as their father did for their mother. They may feel that being a man is equal to being adulterous. If their mother is the adulterous one, he may view women as immoral and have issues of trust or resentment towards them.
Image
If one holds a high profile position, locally or internationally, infidelity can ruin one’s public image. Politicians, religious leaders and activists cannot afford any moral based scandals. Infidelity can cost a high profile person their career. The American public is infatuated with infidelity on the big and small screen. But many are quite unforgiving of infidelity in their leaders.
Infidelity is an expensive habit. If it leads to divorce of a marriage, the legal judgments may be affected by infidelity. Pain, suffering and alimony allotments are weighed against the reason of the marriage dissolution.
Infidelity can also affect child custody rulings. Character judgments will be filtered through the affair. It may be embarrassing for the adulterer and their lover to be publicly scrutinized. Infidelity usually makes for a messy divorce. And post divorce relationships can often be bitter and hostile.
Infidelity causes inter-generational as well as career damage. Some of this damage can be repaired through professional counseling. But some damage is irreparable. Before entering into an affair, remember that the effects of infidelity are sometimes temporary, but many times it can be permanent.
Trust
Infidelity affects the trust level in a relationship. A relationship is a commitment to each other, together and apart. Infidelity breaks the trust that one has for their partner when they are apart. An affair is cloaked in location and activity lies. Therefore it is difficult to believe what one says.
If there are children in the relationship, they are being lied to also. The time spent away with the lover, is time away from the children. One must lie to them about their absence. Older children are keener, thus they can see through and dissect lies. Too many disappointments can lead to resentment in children. With resentment and lack of trust, it is impossible to have a healthy relationship with one’s children.
Lack of trust may cause constant suspicion and interrogation. This can create a tense and hostile home environment, even if the affair is over. The lingering aura of the affair is enough to cause spontaneous arguments.
Self Esteem
Infidelity hurts one’s partner, because it may attack their self-esteem. One begins to question their value and worth against their partner’s lover. What is it that he/she has that I don’t have? Are they younger, slimmer, more handsome? Self-analysis easily transpires into self-criticism.
Self-destructive criticism manifests into a self-fulfilling prophecy. One who feels ugly, sometimes becomes ugly. Depression is a highly plausible result of destructive self-criticism. Depression literally depresses drives and motivation. The desire to care for one’s physical appearance begins to decline, and then disappear. The infidelous partner uses this as an excuse for their infidelity. In actuality they have directly contributed to it. Low self-esteem in one’s partner can manifest in any ways other than depression. It can cause the offended partner to become adulterous, themselves.
Partners and spouses are not the only ones to suffer a self-esteem blow when one cheats. Children begin to question their worth when they witness a parent’s infidelity. Many may blame themselves for the parent’s absence. They may feel that they are not good enough, or behave well enough for the parent to want to be with them. They may feel that they have driven the parent away.
These can lead to anxieties in a child such as perfectionist behavior or obsessive-compulsive disorder. Girls who grow up with an adulterous father may develop trust issues with men when they grow up. Or she may have hostile feelings towards men because of what she witnessed her mother endure, when she was a child.
Boys who witness infidelity may have low respect for women as their father did for their mother. They may feel that being a man is equal to being adulterous. If their mother is the adulterous one, he may view women as immoral and have issues of trust or resentment towards them.
Image
If one holds a high profile position, locally or internationally, infidelity can ruin one’s public image. Politicians, religious leaders and activists cannot afford any moral based scandals. Infidelity can cost a high profile person their career. The American public is infatuated with infidelity on the big and small screen. But many are quite unforgiving of infidelity in their leaders.
Infidelity is an expensive habit. If it leads to divorce of a marriage, the legal judgments may be affected by infidelity. Pain, suffering and alimony allotments are weighed against the reason of the marriage dissolution.
Infidelity can also affect child custody rulings. Character judgments will be filtered through the affair. It may be embarrassing for the adulterer and their lover to be publicly scrutinized. Infidelity usually makes for a messy divorce. And post divorce relationships can often be bitter and hostile.
Infidelity causes inter-generational as well as career damage. Some of this damage can be repaired through professional counseling. But some damage is irreparable. Before entering into an affair, remember that the effects of infidelity are sometimes temporary, but many times it can be permanent.
posted by MJ @ 8:35 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home