Stop Smothering Him!
Dear Broken Hearted Girl,
I've been reading a lot of posts on our forum located at http://mjac.forumco.com, and I responded to one in particular today that prompted me to write about relationships "in limbo."
Sometimes when a man breaks up with a woman he states something akin to, "I still want to remain close friends with you, but I want to see if things between us change before I decide if I want to have a relationship with you..."
The initial reaction of most women is one of desperation. "What can I do to get him to want to be with me again? How do I know when he's going to decide? How many times should I call him in a day?"
Based on what I've seen in virtual and actual reality, it seems that a lot of women take this time while "in limbo" to smother their ex-boyfriends. They call all the time to "just talk." When they do get together to hang out, they constantly ask, "How do you feel? What are you thinking? How do you feel about us?" Or worse, they keep offering up sex to see if it leads him to figure things out more quickly.
If a man says that he needs space and wants to figure things out, then it's up to you to cognitively decide to give him that space. Don't smother him. Don't be pushy. Don't be demanding. If you think you still want to be with him, then honor your friendship and your possible future by giving him the time he needs. Don't play games. Don't act differently. Just be yourself, but give him his space.
If you smother him, he may just give up completely. If you give him space, then he may just miss you and decide that he wants the relationship to work.
Once he decides that he wants to work on the relationship, you have to decide if you still want to work on it as well. Once the decision is made mutually, work together on ways to solve issues that have existed in the past.
Just remember - when someone says that they want space, they probably mean it. Don't smother the man. Allow yourself to breathe. And hopefully you can both figure out the future together.
MJ
I've been reading a lot of posts on our forum located at http://mjac.forumco.com, and I responded to one in particular today that prompted me to write about relationships "in limbo."
Sometimes when a man breaks up with a woman he states something akin to, "I still want to remain close friends with you, but I want to see if things between us change before I decide if I want to have a relationship with you..."
The initial reaction of most women is one of desperation. "What can I do to get him to want to be with me again? How do I know when he's going to decide? How many times should I call him in a day?"
Based on what I've seen in virtual and actual reality, it seems that a lot of women take this time while "in limbo" to smother their ex-boyfriends. They call all the time to "just talk." When they do get together to hang out, they constantly ask, "How do you feel? What are you thinking? How do you feel about us?" Or worse, they keep offering up sex to see if it leads him to figure things out more quickly.
If a man says that he needs space and wants to figure things out, then it's up to you to cognitively decide to give him that space. Don't smother him. Don't be pushy. Don't be demanding. If you think you still want to be with him, then honor your friendship and your possible future by giving him the time he needs. Don't play games. Don't act differently. Just be yourself, but give him his space.
If you smother him, he may just give up completely. If you give him space, then he may just miss you and decide that he wants the relationship to work.
Once he decides that he wants to work on the relationship, you have to decide if you still want to work on it as well. Once the decision is made mutually, work together on ways to solve issues that have existed in the past.
Just remember - when someone says that they want space, they probably mean it. Don't smother the man. Allow yourself to breathe. And hopefully you can both figure out the future together.
MJ
posted by MJ @ 8:29 PM
1 Comments:
At 12:04 PM,
Unknown said…
This is really hard to do. In theory it's great, but you have to make up your mind to just stone chill.
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