The Automatic 2nd Date. Interview with Victorya Michaels Rogers
First off, let me say thanks for having me as a guest on BROKEN HEARTED GIRL! I’m a fan of your book THE BREAKUP WORKBOOK! It’s a great tool for speeding up the healing process after a heart breaking split. Well done! So many of my clients are back on the market after heart wrenching endings. Now is their season for fresh beginnings and I trust the same is for many, if not all, of your readers. So here are a few of my secrets for getting back out there and succeeding at the dating game.
Victorya Michaels Rogers, Author, The Automatic 2nd Date
BHG: How can one back on the dating scene after a long absence adopt a hopeful attitude about dating?
VICTORYA: Before you jump back into the world of dating allow yourself time to heal and reflect on where you’ve been. What was missing in your past love life? This is your season to really make it all about you. Love yourself first and deliberately pursue the life you always wanted! If you’re a single mom, obviously you need to seriously consider the needs of your children. But you also have to take care of you and come up with what you really want in a relationship before you start dating again. If you don’t know what you want then you’ll just date whoever takes notice and most likely that is was your problem in the past. You are valuable deserve to have a great relationship. But you have to believe that and know to recognize him when is comes along!
BHG: In Automatic 2nd Date you list many unique places to meet men. Tell us a few.
A: I advise skipping bars and clubs and just plunging yourself into the social world around you—be it at your church, country club, charity, or a special-interest group at your community center. As you interact with more and more people, you will automatically find yourself around — and introduced to — available men.
BHG: In Automatic 2nd Date you recommend asking lots of questions. You even give us 100 potential questions. How do we avoid turning it into an interview or worse, an interrogation?
A: To keep questions from sounding like an interrogation listen to his answers to your questions and go from there. You’re guiding the conversation, not dictating it. If you genuinely stay tuned in and listen to him, then the questions that come to your mind will help the conversation flow naturally and you will draw him to you. One of the easiest ways to get a 2nd date is to be genuinely interested in what your date has to say! Everyone wants to be heard. When you listen he will feel understood and he will want to see you again. So offer your undivided attention, look him in the eye, ask relevant questions, and be sure to laugh at his jokes!
BHG: What about women who are recently divorced or widowed? Isn’t it hard to hold back physically when you’re used to not holding back?
A: The transition from being married and freely having sex with your spouse to holding back your passion as you jump back into the dating can be difficult for some ladies. But if you are looking for a relationship to develop, you must have restraint! Sometimes you just have to be tough. Getting that second date is about self control and holding back, not about letting loose and putting out. The physical always progresses rather than goes backward. Take it slow so there’s somewhere to go.
BHG: Why should you never ask your man out for Valentine’s Day?
VICTORYA: Valentine’s Day is traditionally the most romantic day of the year, but it is so specifically for your MAN to make it romantic FOR you, not by you. Let him do the asking or let the day pass without a date! Besides, so many men propose on that date, don’t ruin his surprise special moment but making the plans yourself or having expectations that may only lead to disappointment.
BHG: How does buying your man gifts hurt your relationship without you knowing it?
VICTORYA: Buying your man expensive gifts puts pressure on him, especially on Valentines Day. You want your man to feel like the pursuer, not the chased! Make any gift you give him more about the thought than the price tag and never out give your man. If he can’t afford to reciprocate he’ll feel he’s not good enough for you and leave. If he can reciprocate but doesn’t want to, he’ll feel pressured and leave. It’s a no win situation. So before marriage, think thoughtful and little in regards to gift giving and offer lots of gushy thanks when he gives YOU gifts.
BHG: Do you have a website or blog with any of these tips for our audience to check out?
VICTORYA: Yes, my website has a lot of additional tips and advice for single women! Check it out-- it’s www.mantokeep.com. You can also order my books and learn about my coaching program. I hope I have helped you begin to see that dating does NOT have to be overwhelming, scary and stressful. In fact, believe it or not, you can actually enjoy the process if you take the time to find out what you REALLY want in a man, sharpen your dating skills and take risks. There is so much information I’d love to impart to you to make dating less anxiety filled, so feel free to visit my site anytime and/or check out my book The Automatic 2nd Date.
Victorya Michaels Rogers, Dating Coach, Author The Automatic 2nd Date
Victorya Michaels Rogers, Author, The Automatic 2nd Date
BHG: How can one back on the dating scene after a long absence adopt a hopeful attitude about dating?
VICTORYA: Before you jump back into the world of dating allow yourself time to heal and reflect on where you’ve been. What was missing in your past love life? This is your season to really make it all about you. Love yourself first and deliberately pursue the life you always wanted! If you’re a single mom, obviously you need to seriously consider the needs of your children. But you also have to take care of you and come up with what you really want in a relationship before you start dating again. If you don’t know what you want then you’ll just date whoever takes notice and most likely that is was your problem in the past. You are valuable deserve to have a great relationship. But you have to believe that and know to recognize him when is comes along!
BHG: In Automatic 2nd Date you list many unique places to meet men. Tell us a few.
A: I advise skipping bars and clubs and just plunging yourself into the social world around you—be it at your church, country club, charity, or a special-interest group at your community center. As you interact with more and more people, you will automatically find yourself around — and introduced to — available men.
BHG: In Automatic 2nd Date you recommend asking lots of questions. You even give us 100 potential questions. How do we avoid turning it into an interview or worse, an interrogation?
A: To keep questions from sounding like an interrogation listen to his answers to your questions and go from there. You’re guiding the conversation, not dictating it. If you genuinely stay tuned in and listen to him, then the questions that come to your mind will help the conversation flow naturally and you will draw him to you. One of the easiest ways to get a 2nd date is to be genuinely interested in what your date has to say! Everyone wants to be heard. When you listen he will feel understood and he will want to see you again. So offer your undivided attention, look him in the eye, ask relevant questions, and be sure to laugh at his jokes!
BHG: What about women who are recently divorced or widowed? Isn’t it hard to hold back physically when you’re used to not holding back?
A: The transition from being married and freely having sex with your spouse to holding back your passion as you jump back into the dating can be difficult for some ladies. But if you are looking for a relationship to develop, you must have restraint! Sometimes you just have to be tough. Getting that second date is about self control and holding back, not about letting loose and putting out. The physical always progresses rather than goes backward. Take it slow so there’s somewhere to go.
BHG: Why should you never ask your man out for Valentine’s Day?
VICTORYA: Valentine’s Day is traditionally the most romantic day of the year, but it is so specifically for your MAN to make it romantic FOR you, not by you. Let him do the asking or let the day pass without a date! Besides, so many men propose on that date, don’t ruin his surprise special moment but making the plans yourself or having expectations that may only lead to disappointment.
BHG: How does buying your man gifts hurt your relationship without you knowing it?
VICTORYA: Buying your man expensive gifts puts pressure on him, especially on Valentines Day. You want your man to feel like the pursuer, not the chased! Make any gift you give him more about the thought than the price tag and never out give your man. If he can’t afford to reciprocate he’ll feel he’s not good enough for you and leave. If he can reciprocate but doesn’t want to, he’ll feel pressured and leave. It’s a no win situation. So before marriage, think thoughtful and little in regards to gift giving and offer lots of gushy thanks when he gives YOU gifts.
BHG: Do you have a website or blog with any of these tips for our audience to check out?
VICTORYA: Yes, my website has a lot of additional tips and advice for single women! Check it out-- it’s www.mantokeep.com. You can also order my books and learn about my coaching program. I hope I have helped you begin to see that dating does NOT have to be overwhelming, scary and stressful. In fact, believe it or not, you can actually enjoy the process if you take the time to find out what you REALLY want in a man, sharpen your dating skills and take risks. There is so much information I’d love to impart to you to make dating less anxiety filled, so feel free to visit my site anytime and/or check out my book The Automatic 2nd Date.
Victorya Michaels Rogers, Dating Coach, Author The Automatic 2nd Date
posted by MJ @ 10:55 AM
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