Defeat Depression After a Breakup

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,


Okay, so this is my last posting about pets for awhile (promise!), but I wanted to find an article to support all that I've said in my previous posts about how my cat helped me with my depression. Here's the article!

-MJ



Can A Pet Help You Defeat Depression?

Kicking depression can be a life-long battle for many sufferers, and people are always looking for additional techniques and options to help defeat it. Well, surprisingly enough owning a pet - especially a dog or cat can help you defeat your depression once and for all.

There have been several academic studies that support the physical and mental health benefits of owning a pet. Owners moods have improved based on several factors.

Exercise

1. Ask any mental health professional, and they will tell you the benefits of an exercise regime for relieving depressive symptoms. When you own a pet like a dog, you have to walk the dog, bathe and brush the dog, go to the store for the dog's food and other care items. It gets you up and moving. Something that many depressed people do not do.

Affection

2. Giving your dog or cat affection such as stroking, hugging, brushing, rubbing etc. has been proven to help decrease stress in humans, therefore lowering blood pressure, and improving quality of life.

Unconditional Love

3. A pet offers its owner unconditional love and affection. Pets simply want to be want to be loved and cared for and desperately want your companionship. This type of love without strings is very calming, relaxing, and pleasurable for most people - especially people who are depressed.

Loneliness

4. The presence of a pet helps depressed people who are suffering from loneliness, whether they are actually physically alone in the world or whether they have created a self-imposed lonely world for themselves. A pet is there giving love, sitting by your side, and creating a presence in your home.

Routine

5. The routine of caring for a dog, walking a dog, buying food, etc. is something that helps people with depression. Many depressed people no longer have a positive routine - but are "stuck" in their lives with mundane tasks, work, or perhaps do nothing at all. Being a responsible pet owner creates routine -- enabling someone who is depressed to get out into life.

Want a Great Relationship? Get a Pet!

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

I was depressed a couple of years ago and I decided to get a cat. ALL of my friends were against the idea because they thought I would become a 'cat lady.' But I knew that I needed someone in my life - a companion - that I could see every single day, pet, hug and talk to (yes, I do talk to my cat from time to time when there's nobody else there). I must admit that owning a pet helped me form a routine, helped me find my smile, and most importantly, forced me out of the house and back into the real world! (You have to leave your house to buy cat litter, cat food, go to the vet - and my cat walks on a leash, so that helps too).

And now all of my friends are 'cat people' because, admittedly, they love the little guy, and I get to say - "I told you so!!"

If you're thinking about getting a pet, do your research and then if you can, go out and adopt one from the Humane Society or another local shelter. She'll be so glad you rescued her and hopefully she'll rescue you right back!

-MJ

You're Not Only Divorcing Your Mate...

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

I was looking for articles about pets and how they help people cope with depression. Many studies show that pets can help alleviate the symptoms of depression and I thought it would be nice to BLOG about it. Instead, I found this in my search and thought it was just as important of a topic as the former.

This is not the most 'heartwarming' article, but I think it's an aspect of divorce that perhaps can be overlooked during the process. Pets have feelings too!

-MJ




Family break-up has pets licking wounds
ANGIE BROWN
MORE than 60,000 cats and dogs will this year face the trauma of "master separation syndrome" as a result of their owners splitting up, according to a new report.
With divorce rates soaring, it seems that when human love goes awry it can have a devastating effect on our beloved animals.

Experts have found that while pets may not be able to talk, their behaviour communicates how the change in routine is affecting them.
Lawyers are often being brought into bitter disputes for animal custody. Some owners even resort to sharing custody of a pet, with it living in one home at the weekends and the other during the week.
Celebrities who have faced the problem of pet custody include Les Dennis and Amanda Holden, who reportedly split their pair of West Highland terriers so they could have one each.
Julia Carling was allowed to keep pet labrador Biff after a settlement following her split with the former England rugby captain, Will Carling.
Joyce Stuart, a specialist in canine behaviour, said the stress a dog suffers during a divorce often leads to it having problems.
"A dog picks up on change in a house, so if a couple are slamming doors and shouting, it suffers stress because it thinks it is a punishment and it doesn’t know how to cope," she said. "They like stable surroundings and rely on their owners physically, mentally and emotionally.
"Bad behaviour is a sign they are not coping, and they can become boisterous as they seek attention.
"Sharing a dog after divorce would be OK if it is done sensibly, but ideally it should really stay in one home because otherwise it can become confused by the different rules in each house."
There are 11,000 divorces in Scotland every year. Across the UK, nearly a million pets are with divorced owners and many are part of official and often legally binding arrangements.
The new report from Sainsbury’s Bank, which surveyed 1,010 adults, found that one in five (21 per cent) believe divorcing couples should be bound by law to provide maintenance for pets.
One unnamed couple have taken out an insurance policy in the event of a divorce to cover their 42 rats, 26 hamsters, dozens of gerbils, rabbits and guinea pigs, plus five cats.
The policy covers them for up to £25,000 in lawyers’ fees to handle custody arrangements.
Dave Ewing, the manager of the Edinburgh Dog and Cat Home, said it was now common for dogs and cats to be brought to his centre in Seafield Road after marriage break-ups.
"We’ve had so many situations where someone has brought in a dog and then the spouse has come along and wanted it back," he said.
"There are also couples who come and fight over the custody of the pet, and it ends up one of them gets to keep it at weekends and holidays while the other has it during the week.
"This is a real issue, we have people crying over who is going to have the pet. It’s a big thing in their lives - it’s like fighting over the custody of their kids."
Graham Cameron, the owner of Perfect Pets, a company specialising in animal behaviour, said: "There has been an increase in the number of animals being handed in to dog and cat homes. People are also sharing pets for selfless reasons because they think it is better for the animal when it is not."
A spokeswoman for the Scottish SPCA said: "This problem is on the increase as the number of divorces are increasing. Family break-ups are often very stressful environments for cats and dogs as there is a lot of shouting.
"However, it isn’t just cats and dogs that are affected, as we’ve had two pigs at our Lothian centre since October who are the casualties of a family split in Dumfries."
The report comes in the wake of a case earlier this year when a court in Italy ordered a man to pay maintenance to his divorced wife for looking after their pet dog.
David Pickett, a pet insurance manager at Sainsbury’s Bank, said: "One of the biggest costs of owning a pet can be vet fees, which are estimated to be rising by 10 per cent a year.
"One of the best ways to avoid large bills for your cat or dog and also ensure that they receive the necessary veterinary treatment, should they need it, is to take out pet insurance.
"However, despite the fact that quality cover can start from £4 a month for cats and £7 for dogs, only around 12 per cent of pets are insured."
Love me, love my dog
LYNDA Korimboccus had only one thing on her mind while hammering out a divorce settlement with her former husband - making sure she won custody of her dog, Tyson.
The 30-year-old, who rescued the labrador-cross with former husband Eddie from a centre in Edinburgh only days after they were married eight years ago, said the dog was more important than fighting for half her house and its contents.
However, the marketing manager for Advocates for Animals, did notice a change in Tyson’s behaviour after her ex-husband left her West Lothian home following the three years they spent together.
She said: "He knew something was wrong as his routine changed. I would work the day shift, but my husband at the time would work the night shift, so there was always someone in the house.
"After Eddie left, Tyson would wander around the house as if he was looking for something and he started attacking the post as it came through the letterbox in the mornings, which he had never done before.
"He is now fine because I gave him more attention to compensate for him not having Eddie and came home at lunchtimes to give him a walk.
"Also, last summer I got a new job which allowed me to bring him with me to work, so he is always with me."
Ms Korimboccus got her dog from pet rescue charity, the Dog’s Trust.
She added: "Of all the disagreements, it would have been huge if Eddie hadn’t allowed me to keep Tyson, as he is the most important thing in my life.
"There was no way I was giving him up. I was prepared to fight to the death for Tyson. He is more than a possession and I would have missed him so much if I hadn’t been able to keep him.
"Also, if it wasn’t for Tyson I would have found it hard to get over the break-up, as it hadn’t been my decision. Tyson gave me the reason to get up in the mornings after the split and stopped me wallowing in self-pity.
"I have always loved animals and it was an unspoken thing that we would get a dog as soon as we got married. Now, I am engaged again, and Tyson and I come as a package. There is no way I would give him up."

How to Use Post--Its to Maintain No Contact!

Dear broken hearted girl,

When you're going through a break up, it can be hard to be 'alone' after you've been best friends with a special man for a certain amount of time. No matter how supportive your friends & family are, you are almost certain to have set-backs.

Don't blame yourself. It happens to everyone. Head to http://mjac.forumco.com to read stories from other women!

One exercise I recommend is to place post-it notes in certain places to help you remember why you shouldn't contact him. Maybe he said something pretty hateful to you? Maybe he has a habit that you can't stand? Maybe he cheated on you? Whatever it was, remembering it can help you remain far away from him. Forgiveness is a virtue, but never forget.

Here are places you can use and keep post-its to help you retain your promise to yourself to keep away:

(1) On your computer! Of course that's the easiest way to contact him and the least personal. Put post-its on your screen if you can (and if not then in a drawer next to your computer) as reminders of his 'jerkiness.'

(2) On your mirror - but instead of reminders of him - put good affirmations that you can repeat to yourself, or quotes Edith Wharton. Whatever it is, it should be there when you look in the mirror first thing in the morning, to remind yourself of your inner & outer beauty...and most importantly...give you strength.

(3) Your front door. I know that may sound silly, but it works. Instead of writing down words, you can use it as a ticker. Before I went to bed every night, I would give myself a tick on the post-it for making it through the day without contacting him. Not only was it rewarding for my psyche, but it was also very satisfying when all of the ticks starting adding up. And then, when I would get weak, I'd think about having to take that post-it, rip it down and then start a new (blank) one. That helped me keep away.

Eventually, you will get over your urges to text, email and call him. Until then, do what you can to get through it! You are strong & beautiful broken hearted girl. We'll get you healed yet!

-MJ

Shopping, Exercise and Work habits. How do you rate when you're in a relationship or single?

Dear broken hearted girl,

I thought this article was interesting, mostly because I like polls. This article speaks in regards to your 'love stage,' single & not looking, single & looking, etc., and how it relates to your work habits, shopping habits and exercise habits. I did relate to a lot of it...not all of it...but please read and see how you relate!

MJ

What's Your Love Stage?

How does a woman's relationship status affect their behavior?

By Tango magazine

Updated: Sep 20, 2007
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Here at Tango, it's our job to know every nitty-gritty detail about love and relationships. That's why we teamed up with Yahoo!Personals and Carat USA to conduct an online survey unlike any done before, questioning 1,000 women to find out how their relationship status affects their behavior, their hopes, and even their credit card balances.
We wondered: Do breakups turn us into born-again gym bunnies? (Nope.) Do single girls climb the career ladder faster? (Maybe.) And is there a causal link between romantic bliss and shoe buying? (And how! It turns out there are reasons Jimmy Choos loomed large on Sex and the City.) So read on to learn more about the LoveStage you're in...and what it reveals about your life.
"The Free Agent"
LoveStage: Single and not looking
Your top priority: Are you busy starting a business? Raising a kid? Writing a best seller? Whatever your focus, the majority of you said "obtaining knowledge," not finding Mr. Right, is your goal right now.
Your bottom line: Financially, you think long-term.
Fiscally ambitious, you're also the thriftiest of the LoveStages in the here and now
Fiscally ambitious, you're also the thriftiest of the LoveStages in the here and now. In fact, you're decidedly anti-impulse buy, spending 30 percent less than any other group on clothing, shoes, or La Perla.
Fun fact: Hot wheels, not hot dates? Free Agents are more likely to invest in a new car in the next 12 months than any other LoveStage.
Celeb poster child: George Clooney
"The Connector"
LoveStage: Single and looking
Your top priority: Meeting new people, natch. You log four times as many hours on MySpace (and other social networking sites) as any other LoveStage. But you're a networker extraordinaire, and there to meet all types, not just eligible ones.
Your bottom line: Well, you never met an espadrille you didn't like.
Connectors spend 17 percent more on shoes than any other LoveStage
Connectors spend 17 percent more on shoes than any other LoveStage -- not to mention 23 percent more on clothing. We understand. Dating requires frequent costume changes.
Fun fact: Be your best friend? Connectors ranked their pals as a higher priority than romantic success or their appearance. You also beat out every other LoveStage when it comes to career satisfaction!
Celeb poster child: Jennifer Aniston
"The seeker"
LoveStage: Dating, but not exclusively
Your top priority: Self-improvement. Seventy-three percent of you are trying to Google your way to enlightenment, going online for info on bettering yourself. And one in five is currently seeing a therapist, twice as many as any other LoveStage.
Your bottom line: Subject to change: 44 percent of you say you intend to look for a new job in the next year. Maybe that time off helps explain why you watch the most talk shows.
Fun fact: More pro-gym than any other LoveStage, 16 percent of you practice yoga or Pilates regularly. Overall, you tend to exercise more often than singletons or the committed, and 300 percent more than those going through a breakup! Paging Ben and Jerry.
Celeb poster child: Jessica Biel
"The Entertainer"
LoveStage: Dating someone exclusively
Your top priority: Now that you're in a cozy twosome, most of you say you wish you had more time to socialize and exercise. (Yet nearly half of you say you "never think" about dieting.)
Your bottom line: It's budget reallocation time: In this stage of dating,
you tend to spend 20 percent more than average on movies, dinners, concert tickets
you tend to spend 20 percent more than average on movies, dinners, concert tickets, and -- call it the Xbox effect -- 35 percent of you say you're also suddenly shelling out more on electronics.
Fun fact: Got your eye on a diamond? Twenty-three percent of you say you are expecting to get engaged within the next 12 months. Pre-congrats!
Celeb poster children: Beyonce and Jay-Z
"The Tween"
LoveStage: Between relationships (due to a breakup, separation, or divorce)
Your top priority: Connecting with friends. Fire up your Friendster! Women in transition are two to three times more likely than others to network online. You're also most likely of all the LoveStages to be on Instant Messenger 24/7. Good 4 u!
Your bottom line: How's that lip-gloss collection? You're investing in yourself to feel good again, and most likely of all the LoveStages to engage in beauty-product binges.
Fun fact: Can an espresso maker cure a broken heart? It's not scientifically proven, but investing in new sheets and dishes is a good start: One in three of you said you're in the market for new housewares now.
Celeb poster child: Reese Witherspoon
"The Nester"
LoveStage: Engaged
Your top priority: Building your nest, of course. You're dropping 20 percent more than any other LoveStage on home products. We're with you. In our heart of hearts, we all want 1,000 threadcount sheets.
Your bottom line: Make that lines. Fifty-eight percent of engaged couples living together combine bank accounts. Yet, 62 percent of you choose to keep your plastic one-name only.
Fun fact: Back away from the Lifetime movie: You're the most likely of any LoveStage to say you're feeling more emotional now than ever before. You also use photo-sharing sites and go to the movies most often.
Celeb poster children: Ellen Pompeo and Chris Ivery
"The Nouveau wife"
LoveStage: Married
Your top priority: You're the happiest with your work/life balance now. Less than 12 percent of you say you plan to change jobs anytime soon. But one in 10 of you do plan to have a baby in the next 12 months.
Your bottom line: Going toward good eats. Today, married women spend more on dining out than any other LoveStage. Take that, Betty Crocker.
Fun fact: Have husband, will travel. Seventy percent of you plan to jet off into the sunset on vacation soon. Isn't it nice to have a built-in someone to rub sunscreen on your back?
Celeb poster children: Julianne Moore and Bart Freundlich
How we got our data
Tango teamed up with Yahoo!Personals and Carat USA to poll 1,000 women in different LoveStages. The respondents were sourced from MarketTools's ZoomPanel, a nationally representative online panel of 2.5 million consumers.

Meeting Someone After a Divorce

Dear broken hearted girl,

I found this article on yahoo.com about places to meet someone after a divorce. When you are ready to date again - even if just casually - this will hopefully help get you started.

I also wanted to add that meeting people online is not a bad idea. Of course, some people love it, others hate it, but it's personal preference.


I like the idea of a 'reputable dating service' that will help you find a perfect match...so as she suggests, it would be great if you took the time to research a place before you paid the money to find someone.

In any case, I hope that you meet someone great! Share you stories in the comment section to inspire other women to try to meet someone after a divorce/break up.

All the best,

MJ



After Your Divorce: Where to Go to Meet Your New Mate...

And 10 places to steer clear of

By Stacy D. Phillips

Special to Yahoo! Personals

Updated: Sep 27, 2007
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So, you've broken up or divorced. It's okay. Who wants to be with a significant other who isn't right for you?
Let's say you're finally done singing the blues and ready to move on. Making the right choice the next time around is important. You want to find someone with whom you are compatible and who shares your values. So where do you go to meet your potential new love?
As a divorce attorney for 25 years, I maintain that where you meet someone is a key indicator of whether the person will turn out to be a sensible choice.

Believe it or not, there are ideal places to search for romance
Believe it or not, there are ideal places to search for romance -- and just as many places you should avoid. In my book, "Divorce: It's All About Control -- How to Win the Emotional, Psychological and Legal Wars," I have included a chapter of Top 10 lists, two of which address where to meet someone and where not to go.
Top 10 worst places to meet someone new after a split
10. Laundromat (if a person doesn't have his/her own washer and dryer by now or live in place that has a laundry room, that could be very telling)
9. A bar where divorced singles congregate
8. Your attorney's office lobby (the other divorcee you are suddenly attracted to needs time to "unpack" his/her baggage)
7. The water cooler at work
6. Parking garage
5. Anger management class
4. Alcoholics Anonymous
3. Fast food restaurant
2. In the car next to you
1. Jail
Top 10 best places to meet someone new after a split
10. Your best friend's wedding (it doesn't matter how many he/she has had)
9. Headquarters of your favorite political candidate
8. Your local home improvement or hardware store (women can never find what they need, so the men cruising the aisles are easy recruits for assistance)
7. Your personal trainer's studio
6. Someone else's office, not yours
5. On a ski lift
4. Through a reputable dating service that is known for finding perfect matches
3. Self-help seminar for those who have recently broken up
2. Your place of worship
1. Sting concert (people of all ages attend them)
One of the most positive ways to meet that someone new is through friends or family, the ones who know you really well. They often do the "screening" for you, are genuinely interested in seeing you happy for the long term, and who won't let you make the same mistake twice (or three or four times!). If they've made good choices when it comes to love, follow them. Go where they go!

Love at First Sight?

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

Here's an article about what men believe to be about "Love at First Sight..." Thought it was informative. : ) It's interesting to know that sometimes me aren't always on 'the prowl...' We're not man-bashers ladies...just trying to keep you informed that men are human too.

MJ


Do Men Believe in Love at First Sight?
Posted by David Zinczenko
on Mon, Sep 24, 2007, 8:50 am PDT Post a Comment View all 222 Comments »
When you were younger, you probably believed the Meg Ryan movies and the accompanying romantic plots: Of course there's such a thing as love at first sight.

But now that you've been on more than a few dates, you've noticed the absence of a scriptwriter, cinematographer, hair, makeup, and lighting engineers. That meet-swoon-commit deal only happens in Hollywood, it seems. But consider this: a national survey revealed that 48 percent of men say they do believe in love at first sight.

Eye-lock with violins, anyone?

Of course, the classic definition of love at first sight includes quite a lot of physical sensations, especially where men are concerned - attraction that's triggered by a particular face, a smell, a body, or just the overall vibe for a person.

For a man, though, love at first sight quickly becomes more like "love at first-through-twelfth sight" - that is, not only the initial physical and chemical reaction that happens when he sees a woman, but also the behavior and personality nuances that come out early on in a relationship. They're the ones that determine whether the chemical reaction escalates into true love or explodes into a love-lab disaster.

Surprised? That's probably because guys get a bad rap. While many women will assert that they're out on a Friday night "looking for love," they often think that men are just on the prowl - guzzling, grinding, and groping their way into bed with you. The reality is that many men are also looking for the short-acting spark that transitions into a long-lasting flame; they just tend to be guarded in their approach.

Why? For one, you'd think he was a desperate freak if he confessed his feelings upon arrival of the Caesar salad. And two, guys enjoy the chase: you may blow him away with a handshake or certain look, but that doesn't mean he's willing to forfeit the pursuit, the mystery, the suggestive banter, or the nervous sexual energy that's coupled with newfound attraction. The trick is, of course, transitioning from the short-term chemical spark to the big-time personal commitment. These are the things men really look for when they're out there looking.

Men Want: Covert Actions
They Don't Want: Overt Ones

Seems like a simple equation, doesn't it? He likes you, you like him, you end the night with a Chapstick taste test. Contrary to popular belief, a guy doesn't gauge your passion by how quickly you fall into bed with him. In fact, for many men, their level of intensity for a woman increases the less overt physical contact he has with her.

While men certainly have quick sexual motors, a slow, gradual revving of the engine is simply longer-lasting and more satisfying. That's why women should never underestimate the value and power of the slow tease. Unexpectedly grabbing his hand, grazing his thigh, or simply making eye contact across the room builds his attraction and multiplies that in-love feeling far better than a boozy kiss 20 minutes after your introduction.

Men Want: Mystery
They Don't Want: Full Disclosure

You know how it goes. A woman confesses her love early on and she's viewed as an overbearing, bioclock time bomb who wants to lock a man into a multi-year commitment. A man who confesses his love early is more desperate for attention than that dude who just got Tasered.

While some would argue that confessing true feelings is simply honest, I would argue that men and women should revel in the slow progression of getting to know each another. Yes, it's tempting to want to spill your soul about your life, your dreams, and your secret eyebrow-plucking habit when you feel an immediate connection.

But men rarely have the same knee-jerk reaction to bare all. Let the intimacy progress naturally and he'll be hooked - naturally. In a study of newly married couples, a full 86 percent of men said their relationship did indeed classify as love at first sight.

Men Want: Implication
They Don't Want: Conversation

There's one time men like getting The Talk. At halftime. In the locker room. By their coaches. Otherwise, men just don't take very well to man-up speeches and lectures-especially when it comes to a declaration of love and commitment. The Commitment Talk doesn't stoke the spark; it pulls the plug on it.

You can convey your feelings - and help him feel the same way - without having to broach the subject through the always awkward "where is this going" talk. How? Show you're into him by getting him involved a little bit in your future.

Invite him on a day trip next weekend, book tickets in advance for a concert or play, or ask him on a hiking trip with friends for next month. By thinking ahead and involving him in your plans, you show that you're devoted enough to invest time in him - without having to make it feel like union negotiations.

Men Want: Smoke Signals
They Don't Want: Billboards

For a man, three long hours of planning something special can be easier than saying three little words. Maybe you're eager to declare your commitment and ready to end every conversation with "I love you," but the sentiment can be hard for him to share - even if he feels the same way.

Why? Some men think that if they say those words, there's some kind of unwritten code that locks him into years of nagging about bathroom habits. Truth is, he takes those words seriously (if he didn't, it wouldn't be so hard). Although he may not reciprocate your grand gestures right away, it doesn't mean he's not feeling the same way.

He'll do it with a compliment, or offering to take your wheels to the carwash, or through some elaborately planned night of romance. For more of the secret needs and language men employ, check out 50 Things Men Wish You Knew.

The flip side? He also likes the same things in return: A compliment or passing innuendo is more likely to strengthen his interest than a premature confession of love. For many men, the excitement that's sparked early on becomes more intense as he unravels the clues that you're falling for him, too.

Tequila & Salt

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

A friend of mine sent this to me in an email chain letter. This is me passing it on so I won't get bad luck. : )



Tequila and Salt




This should probably be taped
to your bathroom mirror
where one could read it every day.

You may not realize it,
but it's 100% true.


1. There are at least two people in this world
that you would die for.

2. At least 15 people in this world
love you in some way.

3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you
is because they want to
be just like you.

4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone,
even if they don't like you.

5. Every night,
SOMEONE thinks about you
before they go to sleep.

6. You mean the world to someone.

7. You are special and unique.

8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.

9. When you make the biggest mistake ever,
something good comes from it.

10 When you think the world
has turned its back on you
take another look.

11 Always remember the compliments you received.

Forget about the rude remarks.

Who Has a Crush On You?

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

Don't do this!!!!!! For those of you who are just getting back into the dating scene...this may be a sign about how bad things have gotten! What a waste of money and I'll bet that some poor teens get roped into it.

Good if you need a laugh...

http://www.whohasacrushonyou.com/index_.php?sub1=0010016100821

MJ

Betrayal Help!

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

I found this article about getting over a break up when you have been betrayed. It has some interesting advice...but mostly I liked the part about how this is an ANCIENT problem between men & women.

Read it and see what you think? Any advice you'd like to give? Leave your comments here!

MJ

How Betrayed Lovers Can Carry On?


Love gives life and a break up takes away a life. Why a lover can not live normally after a bad break up? What if one also feels betrayed after the breakup? These questions are as ancient as the civilization.

Exploring romantic love-

Let us explore some more about romantic love and break-ups. A person who becomes totally involved with love loses his/her identity. The whole being revolves around the love. All the ambitions, all desires, all pains, everything in life gets related to love. Such lovers feel destroyed after the break up. If love is only a part of life one can survive easily after the break up. But will any poet call such kind of love as true love? The definition of true love means you give your self totally away to your beloved. You dream, eat, enjoy, and cry, laugh, work, what ever you do is all centered around your beloved. You live in that love. And hence you die once you are betrayed . If you are in true romantic love, you can not live for a day without your lover, hence it becomes impossible to live for a life time. The pain of separation and of betrayal becomes so bad, that the sadness kills the essence of living.

Betrayal -

For those who have been betrayed in love, it becomes impossible to understand about how their lover could betray them? It is like a child stabbing the mother. Imagine the pain of the mother who brought up her child with nothing but love, care and took every pain to see that her child was happy. The betrayed lover feels something similar and even more. So what is to be done?

Remedy -

Is their any remedy for such people? Turn to God for help. Pray. Look at the most suffering section of the society, such as children suffering from cancer and try to do something to help them. Find out those who are facing unimaginable hardships and do something to make their life better. Take your thoughts away from your own pain and look at others undergoing much worse pain. Contribute in some way to help this world become a better place. That is the answer for betrayal and a bad break up.

Women's Online Dating Errors

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

Are you ready to move on again? If you are...that's great! I hope you share your stories and give advice to the women on our forum at http://mjac.forumco.com . Here's an article I found about mistakes women make when dating online. Hopefully you can avoid these mistakes and find the man of your dreams!

MJ

14 Fatal Online Dating Errors

Mistakes that women make

By David Wygant


Recently I was coaching a woman on how to write her profile for Yahoo! Personals. Before we wrote the profile, I asked her to send me her four best pictures.
I asked her to do this because men are as visual as Scooby Doo on steroids. The first thing they do when they see your profile online is NOT read about your trip to Italy last summer. They want to see how hot you are. Keep in mind that every man has different taste in women. What I find attractive, my friend may not find attractive at all.

So I explained this to my client, and I asked her to send me her four best photos -- pictures that represent who she is in her life. What she sent me is mistake #1 of the biggest mistakes women make online.
Here are the 14 biggest online dating mistakes women make:

1. Stop posting four different photos from four different stages in your life. This leaves a man wondering, "Who is this person?" I've looked through thousands of online profiles, and the majority of women will put up pictures from different stages of their life but not put up current pictures. All photos that you post on an online dating profile MUST BE CURRENT!!! He's going to find out what you look like when you meet, and there is no reason to lie about your looks.

2. Don't list your dislikes about Internet dating in bold, capital letters at the beginning of your profile. We've all had negative experiences online. Emphasize your positive points, not your negative ones.

3. List your exact body type. It seems like on the Internet EVERYBODY is "athletic and toned," "petite" or "fit and trim."
He will find out what you look like!
He will find out what you look like! You might as well tell the truth in your profile, so you'll have a qualified lead and not waste somebody's time.

4. List your real age. In the world of Internet dating, it seems like there's an abundance of 29- and 39-year-old women. "29" usually means somewhere in your 30's. And a woman who is "39" is usually in her 40's. Why start a potential relationship on a lie? Men are guilty of the same thing, and I advise them the same way.

5. I'm really glad you had a great time on your vacation, but you don't need to post 10 photos of your trip to Italy WITHOUT you in them. This is a dating site, not a trip advisor. Also, stop posting pictures of you skydiving, winter skiing, waterskiing, or doing anything else where we can't see what you look like in the picture.

6. Keep your profile short and to the point. Make your paragraphs very short. I've seen too many women's profiles that look like romance novels. Take a look at Yahoo! Sports and read an article in the sports section.
All paragraphs are short so men can digest that information in short bursts.
All paragraphs are short so men can digest that information in short bursts.

7. Don't be so self-absorbed. I've seen many women's profiles that say, "I want a man to be this," "I want a man to do that," "I want a man to cherish me," "I want a man to adore me"... You list all your "I wants" without listing what YOU will bring to the relationship. So you end up looking like you're a taker and not a giver. No man wants to be with a taker; he wants to be with someone who's equally willing to give and to receive.

8. Don't list your financial desires like you're posting a want ad. I've seen too many women write, "I'm looking for a man who will spoil me, buy me great things, and take me on great trips." You come across as a gold digger. Instead say, "I like the finer things in life to share with somebody," so you don't come across so harsh.

9. No baby talk! Even if the number one priority in your life is to be a mother, nothing scares a man off more than if you write in your profile about how badly you want kids. He may feel the same way, but he is going to think, "This woman will marry anybody to have kids." Write something a little more toned down like, "Families are important to me, and I can't wait to meet my special man so I can start a family." This shows you're selective and not just looking for someone with whom to make a kid.

10. Stop listing all your rules. Don't write things like "A perfect first date MUST be dinner" or "The man I date HAS to wear suits." Women tend to list rules in their profiles. Be open to a different kind of first date, or the kind of guy who wears jeans to work.

11. Stop sending winks. When is the last time you went to the supermarket, saw a cute guy and winked at him? Winks went out of style when "Happy Days" went off the air. You don't like it when men send you a wink. You think it makes him seem lazy and like he didn't read your profile. We think the same thing! So stop winking and start typing.

12. If you write to a man and he doesn't write you back, don't write a nasty follow-up email and ask him why he didn't write you back. If a man doesn't respond to you, it's the same thing as when you don't write a man back. It means that he is not interested. Don't get angry, just find another person.

13. We know you're looking at us, because we see that you've viewed our profile every day. Say "hello!" We're not going to bite. Lob that email in.
Take a chance and send an email to the guy to whom you're most attracted.
Take a chance and send an email to the guy to whom you're most attracted. You never know what might happen!

14. If a guy who you're interested in writes to you, stop playing games and write him back right away. Don't make him wait four days. He may find someone else in the time you wait to write him back. Keep the momentum going!
I have found when online dating that if you're honest about who you are, and you get back to people immediately, you'll get the date faster and avoid all the back and forth games that go on. Now go change that profile!

It's Not You...It's Me

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

The BreakUp Workbook has sold in over 22 countries now...I think that is a testament to how universal relationships are. Here is the translation of "It's Not You, It's Me!" in several languages. My hope is that it helps you realize that you are not all alone in the world.


English - It's Not You...It's Me
Spanish - No es usted que es yo.
Russian - Оно не будет вами, котор оно мной.
Dutch - Het is niet u het is me.
Greek - Het is niet u het is me.
Korean - 나야. 당신이 아니다

Feel Better!

MJ

Relationship Criticisms

Dear not-yet Broken Hearted Girls,

Are you in a relationship in which your boyfriend or husband has criticized you about the same thing over & over again? Maybe he says that you don't make enough time for him. Maybe he says that you're always moody and he never feels as if he can do enough for you to be happy. Maybe he says that you never seem to be "in the mood?"

No matter what he says, it's important that BEFORE you break up with him because of these criticisms, that you take them to heart. Being in a relationship is a two-way street. No doubt that there are things about him which you have criticized - so remember that he has every right to criticize you as well.

Ask yourself; Is there any merit to the things he says?

Before you start yelling at him for the umpteenth time, take time to really think about his words. Although you may be busy, do you unnecessarily neglect him? Are you unhappy in general? Do you think you might need to make some changes with yourself so that you can be more happy? Are you as sexually active with him as you would like to be?

Words hurt, but a lot of times, if a person that is close to you has something critical to say about you, there may be some merit to it. Take time to review what he says from every angle before you throw the relationship away altogether. Talk it out. Make amends if you can.

And if after you've thought about it long and hard, you think it's time to walk away, then I hope you can find the strength to do it.

- MJ

Dysthymia & Depression

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

We all know that I'm not a doctor, but sometimes I come across articles that have to do with different disorders that affect a lot of women. A lot of times, depressions can take hold in your life before you even begin a relationship, and may continue to be an issue after the relationship has ended. Dysthymia seems to be making the headlines a lot lately, and I hope this article helps some of you who may have felt mildly depressed for years at a time.


Check out this article from everydayhealth.com.

Feel better!

MJ


Mental health professionals use the term dysthymia (dis-THIGH-me-ah) to refer to a low-level drone of depression that lasts for at least two years in adults or one year in children and teens. While not as crippling as major depression, its persistent hold can keep you from feeling good and can intrude upon your work, school, and social life. If you were to equate depression with the color black, dysthymia might be likened to a dim gray. Unlike major depression, in which relatively short episodes may be separated by considerable spans of time, dysthymia lasts for an average of at least five years.

If you suffer from dysthymia, more often than not you feel depressed during most of the day. You may carry out daily responsibilities, but much of the zest is gone from your life. Your depressed mood doesn’t lift for more than two months at a time, and you also have at least two of the following symptoms:

overeating or loss of appetite
insomnia or sleeping too much
tiredness or lack of energy
low self-esteem
trouble concentrating or making decisions
hopelessness.
Sometimes an episode of major depression occurs on top of dysthymia; this is known as double depression.

Dysthymia often begins in childhood, the teen years, or early adulthood. Being drawn into this low-level depression appears to make major depression more likely. In fact, up to 75% of people who are diagnosed with dysthymia will have an episode of major depression within five years.

It’s difficult to escape the grasp of untreated dysthymia. Only about 10% of people spontaneously emerge from it in a given year. Some appear to get beyond it for as long as two months, only to spiral downward again. However, proper treatment eases dysthymia and other depressive disorders in about four out of five people.

Therapeutic Writing

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

I always tell you about journaling and how it can be therapeutic when going through a break up. Here's an article from another source that you can read to help you get started. As always, the BreakUp Workbook serves as a tool to outline the process from getting through despair to repair, but if you don't have it, read this article and use the advice to get started...

http://www.everydayhealth.com/publicsite/index.aspx?puid=896ea383-5547-4e9b-b33b-5485f6757489&p=2

-MJ