Boundaries and the dating rat race.

Dear BrokenHeartedGirl,

Moving forward after getting hurt can be hard when you’re carrying large suitcases of emotional baggage with you. You’re probably not sure where you stand emotionally and you may or may not secretly hate all men. So how do you get back into the dating rat race without ending up with even more baggage?

It’s not easy, but start by thinking with your head and not with your heart.

Stop to consider what you want out of a date right now. Are you interested in:

A fling?
A long-term monogamous relationship?
Short-term dating?
New friend(s)?
Flirting with guys online/at the bar (taking it no further than that)?


When you’ve defined your intentions, take them to heart – that way you won’t get hurt and you won’t unintentionally hurt an innocent bystander. In other words:


If you’re looking for a fling, then make sure the guy you’re interested in doesn’t have intentions of marrying you (you’ll only hurt him).

If you’re really looking for a long-term, monogamous relationship, then don’t go home with some strange guy you meet at the bar (you’ll just feel really guilty and gross the next day).

If you’re looking to date someone in the short term, then walk the line (this is harder than it seems).

If you just want to flirt with someone, then smile, laugh, dance and walk away (don’t give out your number and don’t go home with him).


Every so often, evaluate your intentions. Maybe you’re over the ‘fling’ stage and you want to try casual dating again? Maybe you’re over casual dating and you want to have a boyfriend? Whatever stage you’re in, check to see that you’re moving forward and gaining confidence. If not, then it’s always okay to take a step back.

So use your head. And when you do meet someone that you really want to be with, PLEASE let your heart take over. You’ll know when it happens. But until then, stay within your boundaries and have fun!

Feel better!
MJ

Stop anxiety from stealing your sleep

From EverydayHealth.com, here are some tips to get to sleep, even if you're feeling anxious.


Tips for a Better Night's Sleep
Most people with anxiety disorders also have trouble sleeping. Treating the disorder usually improves sleep, but in the meantime, there are other things you can do:
Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends.

Use the bed only for sleeping and sex.

Forgo naps, especially close to bedtime.

Limit the time you spend in bed. Turn in only when you're sleepy. If you don't fall asleep within 15 minutes or if you wake up and can't fall back to sleep within that amount of time, get out of bed and do something relaxing until you feel sleepy.

Avoid caffeine (found in coffee, many teas, chocolate, and cola) after 2 p.m., or noon if you are caffeine-sensitive. You may need to avoid caffeine entirely if you have panic attacks.

Avoid eating foods that contribute to heartburn.

Don't drink alcohol for at least 2 hours before bedtime.

Limit fluids before bedtime to minimize nighttime trips to the bathroom.

Stop smoking, or at least do not smoke for 1–2 hours before turning in for the night.

Exercise regularly, but not too close to bedtime. An afternoon workout is ideal.

Keep the bedroom cool, dark, and as quiet as possible.

Replace a worn-out or uncomfortable mattress.

Take a hot bath before bedtime.

Use relaxation techniques before bedtime.

Online Dating

What makes you respond to someone's online profile? Is it because he/she is just devastatingly handsome/beautiful? Or do you actually delve deeper into the profile to see what they are "all about?"

I had an online profile for awhile and I put on there that I had 2 cats. And a bunch of guys emailed me that were very cute, but some of their profiles indicated that they did not like cats (and yes, I actually read the profiles). So when I emailed back to ask if cats were okay, they always responded with 'no sorry, I guess I didn't get that far into your profile.'

So if the person is really "hot," do you skip over their profile?

Discuss!