They've been cheated on too!

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

You have been cheated on. You feel like the 'lowest of the low.' I hope this makes you feel better. This is a list of celebrities that have been cheated on PUBLICLY:

Justin Timberlake
Denise Richards
Kate Moss
Halle Berry
Eminem
Mia Farrow
Tyra Banks

So if you feel as if you want to cry, remember that not even the most seemingly perfect people in the world - the most BEAUTIFUL people in the world - still deal with everyday problems.

You're not alone!

-MJ

Change Your Break Up Tunes

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

Okay, so you've been dumped and it sucks. And now you're listening to the radio and getting involved in all the wrong songs. You're crying while driving...and if you have been to www.brokenheartedgirl.com then you know how I feel about crying while driving!

If you've been cheated on, stop listening to "Secret Lovers" by Atlantic Starr and start listening to "Breathe" by Maroon 5.

If you were with a man that you were going to get married to, stop listening to "Endless Love" by Diana Ross & Lionel Richie and start listening to "Miss Independent" by Kelly Clarkson.

If you were broken up with a man who continues to spread rumors and speak badly about you in public, stop listening to every break up song that makes you cry and start listening to "Fighter" by Christina Aguilera.

Whatever your tune is when you're broken hearted, you can begin to change that tune by changing your attitude. Hopefully listening to these songs will help you to put your mood and your relationship into perspective.

-MJ

7 Pointers to Lift a Bad Mood

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

I traverse the internet constantly to find things relevant to your situation. Today I read this article about ways to boost your bad mood.

Rent a funny movie. Buy some scented candles. Get a fantastic massage! These things are really easy to do and will hopefully help you find a way to put life and relationships into perspective. And if not, then hopefully you'll take a second between tears to breathe and smile.


http://health.yahoo.com/experts/drmao/6715/going-up-7-pointers-to-lift-a-bad-mood


- MJ

You Don't Text Message Break Up!

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

Even if your recent beau didn't break up with you via text message, I'm sure you know someone that has been dumped via their cell phone.

This is by far my FAVORITE video about text message break ups. It starts out very strangely if you're not familiar with the anthology of this character. But if you are familiar with all of the videos made by this individual, then you will get past the "weirdness."

Watch this video. I hope it makes you laugh. I hope it helps you realize that you are not alone. And if it's a friend of yours that can relate to this, make sure you send it to her!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcidD2HFK8M

-MJ

A Commercial for all Divorcees to watch

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

Don't know if you know this about me, but I'm really into advertising. I recently saw a commercial by Fantastic Sams that inspired me.

Update! I found a website that features the commercial!
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=13561647


The commercial is about a woman and a man whom I can only assume is her ex husband. The ex husband goes to her house to pick up the children. Every time he comes to pick up the children, her hairstyle is very different. The time frame is not definitive. But every time she sees him, she seems to be more and more confident. It's not as if her HAIR is the only thing that's different. It seems that over time she becomes more comfortable within her own spirit. She even wears her shirt differently as each hairstyle comes into play. She seems to become comfortable within her own body as well as her spirit!

Now, some might think that her hairstyle is different because she's trying to flirt with him or seem unattainable. However, if you really watch the commercial, she is not being flirty. She's not trying to win him back with small gestures; she's just being a strong, independent woman that is an entity unto herself. She's not gloating, she's not being bitchy...she's just giving off a very HAPPY and very STRONG vibe. She seems to have moved on with her life.

I hope that if you're watching TV, you'll see this commercial. This woman is the epitome of everything I would want every woman to be when she gets over her divorce. This woman just screams POWER and INDEPENDENCE and most importantly, HAPPINESS.

If you've seen this commercial, leave your comments here. If you haven't seen it, watch for it. It's very enlightening.

-MJ

Broken Hearted Robot

I was traveling through the internet and found this website. I think it's kind of cute...and a reminder that even robots suffer. : )

http://www.brokenheartrobot.com/index2.html

One step forward...two steps back!

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

I was cruising a forum today when I read something interesting. A woman stated that "breaking up never happens in a straight line."

That one sentence gave me such a visual that I felt compelled to write about it.

Imagine a line. One one side there is the word "Break Up." Think of this as the start of a journey. In the middle there are blocks of time marked, Depression, Humiliation, Anger, No Contact (NC), Confrontation, Relationship Analysis (RA), Epiphany and Acceptance. On the other end of the line there is the word "Finish." Imagine a finish line with a big ribbon hung inbetween two sticks, just as you would see in a marathon.

B.U.--Depr--Humltn--Angr--N.C.--Cnfrnt--RA--Ephiph--Accpt-->FINISH!


Think about the blocks in the line. You can skip one step forward toward "No Contact", but then within a day or two, you might skip a few steps toward Humiliation (you sent him a sappy email that you now regret). Each block represents a step that one must survive in order to make it to the next block. Achieving the block's goals, you move on to the next in a forward march toward getting over him.

Along the way toward the "finish line" You'll dance around the line; you will even take some sideways steps completely off the line. Some of these sideways steps can happen when you find yourself in situations that you initially did not foresee. For example, you may see your ex and his new girlfriend while shopping at the grocery store. Suddenly you find yourself on a new block marked Jealousy. Jealousy was never one of your blocks on the line. The next thing you know you are on a new step completely off the line between Anger and No Contact.

B.U.--Depr--Humltn--Angr--N.C.--Cnfrnt--RA--Ephiph--Accpt-->FINISH!
.................................\......./.....................................
...............................JEALOUSY......................

It is your choice then whether to move forward from this unexpected block to push yourself through No Contact, or to move backward once again toward Anger.

Getting over someone is NOT a straight line. You will end up on and off the line in somewhat untimely intervals. The important thing to keep in mind is that moving forward is your goal. Getting to the finish line IS YOUR ULTIMATE SALVATION. Perhaps using this visualization will help you to get there more quickly.

Create a line of your own and diagram it in your journal Broken Hearted Girl. Customize the steps to reflect your own breakup stages.

Try to keep on the path as much as you can, but forgive yourself for the times you take steps backward on your way toward recovery & healing.

Once you get to the finish line, you can break through the ribbon with a triumphant scream of "I'm OVER you!" and begin your love life anew.

-MJ

Do you Overreact to a Break Up?

Dear Broken Hearted Girl:

I found this article on Yahoo! today and immediately became perturbed. The article states that if you have been dating at least 2 months and break up within 6 months - 9 months, you are less likely to be devastated by a break up and more likely to overreact. Apparently, the angst you believe you will suffer is not as great as the angst you actually do suffer. I can believe that. If you've been dating someone for less than a year, then OF COURSE the angst you suffer is going to be less than that of someone that has been dating an individual OVER a year. Sheesh.

In addition, the article states:

"Not surprisingly, they found the more people were in love, the harder they took the breakup.

"People who are more in love really are a little more upset after a breakup, but their perceptions about how distraught they will be are dramatically overstated when compared to reality," Finkel said."


I believe that people do suffer a lot in their heads after a break up, however, I do think that the study is a completely skewed toward those who have not been in long-term relationships. You can be "in love" after a year, but imagine the devastation of a person's soul after 2 or 3 years of being in love? This study makes a blanket statement - that people overreact to their angst before experiencing it - based on a study of those engaged in "puppy love."

I believe the study would be more correct if it were opened to divorcees and those who have been in relationships over 5 years. Now THAT would be an interesting read.

Read it for yourself and feel free to post your opinions!

MJ

________________________________

Advice to the lovelorn: you will survive By Julie Steenhuysen
Mon Aug 20, 6:00 PM ET



CHICAGO (Reuters) - Despite the laments of pining pop stars and sad sack poets, U.S. researchers now think breaking up may not be so hard to do.

"We underestimate our ability to survive heartbreak," said Eli Finkel, an assistant professor of psychology at Northwestern University, whose study appears online in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.

Finkel and colleague Paul Eastwick studied young lovers -- especially those who profess ardent affection -- to see if their predictions of devastation matched their actual angst when that love was lost.

"On average, people overestimate how distressed they will be following a breakup," Finkel said in a telephone interview.

The nine-month study involved college students who had been dating at least two months who filled out questionnaires every two weeks. They gathered data from 26 people -- 10 women and 16 men -- who broke up with their partners during the first six months of the study.

The participants' forecasts of distress two weeks before the breakup were compared to their actual experience as recorded over four different periods of time.

Not surprisingly, they found the more people were in love, the harder they took the breakup.

"People who are more in love really are a little more upset after a breakup, but their perceptions about how distraught they will be are dramatically overstated when compared to reality," Finkel said.

"At the end of the day it, it is just less bad than you thought."

Do It Yourself Divorce?

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,


I was walking through Staples today when a specific software program caught my eye. It’s called "The Do It Yourself (DIY) Divorce Kit." I have heard of such a thing, but I didn’t realize it was a commodity in such demand that the forms to file would be sold in a national retail chain.

There are many websites that discuss this subject and sell the forms online, but did you know that you can head to the courthouse and acquire them at no cost? Don’t be scammed Broken Hearted Girl. Here are some questions to answer before you complete a DIY Divorce Kit:

- Will your spouse consent to a no-fault divorce?
- How long have you been married?
- Do you have children?
- Do you have complex assets or a family-owned business?


If your spouse will not consent to a “quickie” divorce, then you must obtain a lawyer. The lawyer will help you fight for custody and property within your rights.

If you have been married for more than 5 years, then it is important that both parties understand the issues of property and tax changes pertaining to the marriage dissolution.

If you have children, then it may be necessary to draw out an intricate custody agreement so there are no questions regarding the children in the future.

If a business is at a profit or at a loss and is also family owned, there may be some complex issues regarding community property vs. marital property, and the percentage of assets to be distributed to each party on a quarterly basis.

If an amicable divorce is agreed upon, you can get a mediator to help outline your divorce preparation. The mediator will raise questions that you may not have thought of considering in your amicable arrangement, such as: taxes, property valuation, community property vs. marital property, custody arrangements, etc. The mediator can assist both parties in making sound, lawful decisions; his experience will assist you both in obtaining a peaceful settlement. In addition, a mediator will not make decisions or order either party to perform a certain act pertaining to the divorce arrangement. Only a judge can do that within a divorce proceeding.

Before you run off and buy a DIY Divorce Kit, Broken Hearted Girl, make sure that you do some deep research. Lawyers attend school for 3+ years for good reason; divorce is a serious legal matter and should be regarded as such.

-MJ

Small Addictions

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

I'm addicted to my email. I have decided that I need help for my email addiction and that I should try to do everything I can to stay off and only check my personal emails once per day. In order to accomplish this, I have changed all of my passwords to something akin to: StopIt1234. This should remind me when I am about to log in that I need to slow down.

You may find that changing something as small as a password in your world can help you too. Why not change your password to "CharlieStinks!" until you get to a point where you no longer have an urge to email him?

Why not change his name on your cell to read "Do Not Even Think About Answering," or "Jerk Face." Whatever you need to do to keep yourself from calling or answering will suffice. Feel free to be creative.

When you get used to doing something every single day and then you suddenly have to quit, it's very difficult to get out of that routine. So when you want to call him to tell him every little thing, or email him, try changing it up a little.

-MJ

He's Only Human

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

Have you ever thought that your ex-boyfriend has no feelings? That he has no sense of remorse regarding your break up? That he is heartless? Have you ever wondered how he could have devastated you so much by making the decision to break your heart?

Do you ever wonder if he’s even human?

Right now you’re angry and depressed, and you have every right to be, but have you ever thought about the painful decision HE had to render to end your relationship?

Your ex loved you at one point. He enjoyed spending time with you. He may have even been considering marriage. The possibilty of a break up had not even crossed his mind.

Somewhere along the way, things went wrong in the relationship. Perhaps the two of you argued consistently about one problem in particular? Perhaps your friends didn’t like him? Perhaps one of your quirks that he used to adore had gradually started to grate upon his nerves? Whatever the instance, something was inherently wrong in the relationship and it made him wonder if the commitment was worth the pain and the arguing.

Falling out of love can be harder than the act of falling in love. On one hand he is in a whirlwind of flowers and rainbows and constant sex. On the other hand, the flowers have dried up, the rainbow has disappeared and the sex has become intermittent at best (and if that’s not the case, then sex may be the only thing keeping you together!). Relationship problems have come to the forefront of his mind, and after much contemplation, he eventually decides that it is in his best interest to end the relationship because of “X” problem.

Even though the break up may have blindsided you, he may have been mulling it over for a very long time. His feelings of remorse may not be immediately apparent to you, but remember that he had to make the painful decision to hurt you. And if you’ve ever broken up with someone, then you know how hard it can be to come to that decision.

So what do you do now?

Remember that he once loved you and had feelings for you. Remind yourself that his decision to end the relationship may have been just as hard on him as it is on you. Remember that he is only human.

Allow yourself to cry, laugh, get angry and be miserable; after all, you're only human too!


To gain more perspective on the demise of your relationship, email samplechapter@brokenheartedgirl.com to get a preview of The BreakUp Workbook. If you find, as tens of thousands of others have, that the book speaks to you, then use it as a platform to get through this tough time in your life.

Get Off Your "Excuse!"

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

If it's been over a year since your break up, then you're probably either making a fabulous transition into a single, sexy, healthy woman...or you're making excuses.

Get off your "excuse" and get back into your own skin!

Don't kid yourself, getting over someone IS a lot of hard work. But some people avoid the work and go straight to faking it, because they don't want to face the truth - the relationship is over. When a person avoids the self-evaluation, the unanswered questions and avoids acknowledging the absolute devastation a break up has done to ravage her soul, she ends up faking her recovery and avoiding recuperation.

Think about it. Do you do any of these things to fake your way into thinking you're over him? :

-You put on a fake smile and go dancing with your girlfriends, only to rush to your bed to bury your face in your pillow and cry your eyes out.
-You fake sick often and call into work with the intention to stay home and wallow in your depression.
-You call him and hang up just to hear his voice.
-You make out with or sleep with men that you do not actually want to be with - just because you think doing so will allow you to get over your ex more quickly.

Making excuses are the easiest ways to avoid extending the efforts required to heal your soul. You absolutely must find a way to face the fact that the relationship is over and it will never be again. You must find a way to close the holes that are in your heart by answering them on your own. You must find a way to realize that you are a beautiful, worthy, lovely woman that deserves to love and be loved again.

Here are some options to consider if you find that you’ve been faking it for too long:

-Speak with a friend or family member about how you’re REALLY feeling.
-Make an appointment to visit a therapist if you feel you need one.
-Visit with your doctor if you feel that you’re depressed and may need some medicinal help to get through this period in your life.
-Get in touch with your spirit; through church, yoga, nature or temple. Partake in something that allows you to realize that the world is much bigger than you & your ex.

Stop making excuses. Begin the work necessary to truly get over your ex and move on with your life in a healthy, honest and wonderful manner.

AUSTRIA to hold Divorce Fair

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

While browsing articles on divorce, I ran across this one and just had to repost it. Sounds like someone in the U.S. should organize a fair of this nature. Unfortunately, divorce is so prevalent in our society, that divorce fairs may be as successful as job fairs.

-MJ



Austria to hold divorce fairFrom correspondents in Vienna
July 17, 2007 05:48am
Article from: Agence France-PresseFont size: + -


ANYONE in Austria interested in ending his or her marriage will be able to get all the necessary information to do so at a divorce fair in Vienna on October 27-28.

"It's a world premiere," said Anton Barz, the man behind the project, which he has named "new beginning".

"Until now, I organised wedding fairs but while talking to associations and lawyers who told me about the difficulties of divorce, I had this idea," he said.

Couples who have "of late separated" will be able to find all kinds of useful divorce information at the fair.

Various stands will be set up with lawyers, mediators, notaries and psychologists on hand to offer counsel. But exhibitors will also include real estate agents, car salesmen, travel agencies and spa centres in order to offer a true "new beginning" to new divorcees.

Another five "divorce fairs" are already planned around the country in the winter and in spring 2008.

And to avoid any awkward or potentially heated encounter with a former husband or wife, Saturday will be reserved for men while Sunday will be open to women only.

"I have already received 600 registrations by email and phone," Mr Barz said.

Although the service was not exclusively for Austrians seeking divorce, he said, his hands were already full in a country where 48.9 per cent of married couples chose to end their marriage in 2006.

In Vienna alone, the divorce rate was 65.9 per cent.

"Some of the exhibitors will speak English, French, Italian or even Czech or Greek," he said.

Hurtful Words

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

It is not far fetched to say that when anyone experiences a breakup it is a hurtful experience. But sometimes, your ex will hurt you verbally and then want to reconcile. This leaves you with an opportunity to either forgive or forget the situation. But how do you make the decision whether to walk or to talk?

Consider these questions:

When he broke up with you, was there an extremely unpleasant exchange of words that keeps playing over and over again in your mind?

Do you still want him back even though he hurt you? Or do you want to stop needing him, but don't know how to take that next step?

The situation in which your break up occurred should be written down and reflected upon (daily if possible) until you make your decision. Remember the anger and the exact phrases that were used to hurt you; not the apologies made after the fact. Sometimes apologies and time numb the hurt. Keeping the hurt close will allow you make a rational decision - and not a rash one. Try to weigh into your decision the fact that when people say things in the heat of the moment, they can be truthful responses to stressful situations. Don't let the hurt go, use it to decide whether to forgive or forget.

If you decide that you cannot forgive him, then begin the hard work necessary to start getting over him. Cry, get angry, journal, employ the "no contact rule" and begin to live your life as a single woman.

If you find that you need him in your life despite the horrible words he uttered, then accept his apology and move on. Forgive him; don't bring up this break up and the pain he caused you every single time you get into a fight. Doing so may put your relationship on the path toward another messy break up.

MJ

Don't just TAKE advice. USE it!!!!

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

You've been unceremoniously dumped. Your friends, family and forum-buddies have all given you great advice. You know what you have to do to get over him, but you just aren’t doing it. Instead of using advice you've been given and moving ahead, you’re sitting at home, checking out his MySpace page, IM-ing him, Texting Him and calling him.

You tell yourself that you only want to see how he is doing. That you just care about him as a friend and you want to be friends with him. However, deep down, you know that’s not true. You want him to realize that he wants you back. You want him to beg your forgiveness. You want him to make brazen love to you…

And you will allow these RIDICULOUS fantasies to ruin your life forever.

Here’s the deal broken hearted girl:

You don’t want to do the work to get over him. You figure that as long as you keep getting up every day and keep going to work, your emotions will catch up with you and you’ll be fine one day. Over it. Ready for a new love...And while that may be true, going this route may lead to years of solitude. With no new prospects.

Wouldn't you like to start moving forward? Wouldn't you like to get on the road to recover?

Then don't just TAKE your friends' advice. USE it!!

Here’s how:

Equate the healing process to going to the gym. You want to go. You know if you go, working out will potentially give you the body of which you have only dreamed, endorphins to stave off depression, and self confidence.

Unfortunately, knowing this doesn't change a thing. DOING it little-by-little, day-by-day is what will change your body, your attitude and your self-image…yet you still opt for the easy way out…just like you’re doing right now. You’re not DOING the things you know you should do to get over him.

And so you proverbially lie on the couch eating potato chips, when you know you should be on your way to the gym.

Eventually, weeks go by and still you are sitting on the couch shoveling potato chips into your mouth and watching Jerry Springer. You know what you should do to get better, yet instead of losing the 10 pounds you could have lost in a month, you've now gained 10. You will either eventually see or do something that will inspire you to get to the gym, or you will stay on the couch and continue to gain weight forever due to lack of inspiration.

Inspiration is everything.

Do you eventually want to be happy in love? Isn’t that inspiration enough?

Get off your rear Broken Hearted Girl. DO all of the things you know you have to DO so you can move past her. Stop "proverbially" sitting on the couch eating potato chips. Take some action toward healing yourself. Take your friends’ advice…and actually follow through with it.

Stop calling him! Stop allowing him to stop by in the middle of the night! Stop perusing his MySpace page! Stop letting thoughts of him run your life! Get out there and DO something.


MJ