Our Blog Has Moved!

We have moved our blog to http://breakupadvice.wordpress.com. Sorry for the inconvenience, but rest assured that the new blog contains ALL of the posts that were contained in this blog AND MORE!!

Thanks again for your patronage,

MJ Acharya
http://www.brokenheartedgirl.com
http://www.brokenheartedguy.com

Not Over Your Ex Yet? Blame Technology.

Getting over a breakup has always been hard. But with the advent of technology, it’s even more difficult to get over an ex. Here are a few ways people unintentionally delay their breakup recovery by clinging to technology, and tactics to avoid them.

Re-reading every single email he ever sent. Some women do this every single day for weeks, months or even years; searching for a clue she may have missed, finding a sentence she may have typed that he misunderstood and tormenting herself with “what-if’s” and “remember when’s?”

What can you do? Read the emails when you’re in the initial “pity party” stage of your recovery and then delete them. Also delete the messages from your sent box. If you absolutely cannot do bring yourself to do this, then forward them all to a trusted friend to keep until a later date.

Saving old text messages in your phone. Just like re-reading his emails, viewing his old texts over and over again is will prolong your agony.

What can you do? Delete his old text messages and while you’re at it, delete his number from your phone. This is going to be hard to do, but keep in mind that erasing his number and his texts will put you on the road to recovery. If this is too hard, then try erasing one text per day until they are all removed.

Checking his MySpace or Facebook page. This is probably one of the worst ways that technology prolongs breakup recovery. These social networking sites give you an instant window into your ex’s new life. You can check to see if he has deleted your photos and check to see if he has changed his status to single. Even worse, if he is seeing someone else you have a window into his new relationship and possible access to the new woman’s page. Be careful. Checking out his pages can be potentially devastating and can become an obsession – it’s called cyber stalking.

What can you do? Delete him from your friends list and then block him. If you want to take it a step further, delete your own page for awhile and then rebuild it later. Think of rebuilding your profile as a symbol of rebuilding your life. Then invite people who aren’t in his network so you won’t receive updates on his life.


But technology is not all bad. Join a breakup recovery forum like the one at BrokenHeartedGirl.com. You’ll find that it can be surprisingly easier to be truly honest about your feelings when you take advantage of the anonymity that technology can provide.

5 Ways to Find a Date Before Valentine's Day

You just finished spending the holidays alone and now Valentine’s Day is sneaking up on you. It’s almost not fair. Sure, spending time with your girlfriends on Valentine’s Day can be satisfying, but perhaps you would secretly prefer to spend the evening with a member of the opposite sex? Here are five proactive things you can do to increase the chance that cupid’s arrow will pierce your heart before Valentine’s Day:

Volunteer – If you have the time, volunteering can be a great way to meet someone kind, giving and selfless. If you don’t want to get dirty raking leaves or picking up trash, you can use your education to mentor teenagers, to promote literacy or to organize charity events. Even if you don’t meet someone, volunteering is a great way to network, make new friends and, of course, help your community.

Join your College Alumni Association – Even if you move to another city or another state after graduation, your college more than likely has an alumni group in your vicinity. Just check your college alumni website or call your college alumni office and they will put you in touch with your local chapter. From there you can participate in game watches, fund-raising events, ski trips and more. You’ll make a lot of connections with people with whom you already have a lot in common, and you may just make a love connection.

Speed Date – What can be better than scoping out single men that are there specifically to scope you out too? If you’re curious about the caliber of men available in the speed-dating world, you can do some re-con. Most events are held at bars during normal business hours, usually during happy hour. Check online or in your local paper to find an event near you, then drag a friend to the bar and see who shows up. And when you’re ready, sign up for a future event and see what happens!

Put Yourself Online – They say it’s free to look, so why not start today? Browse the online personals to see who is available in your area. If you see anyone promising, sign up. If you’re not sure about locking in to a one month membership, you can get a free trial. Then point, click and start communicating. You may just meet the man of your dreams.

Use Your Connections – With the popularity of sites like Facebook, MySpace and Linked In, you have a window into which you can instantly view your friends’ friends. And you can do it all from the comfort of your couch. Find a cute, single guy and ask your friends to hook you up.

There’s no shame in the fact that you don’t want to spend Valentine’s Day alone. But if you stand idly by, you may do just that. Use the tips, cast your net wide and you may just catch the dream date you’ve been waiting for.

ahhh Love

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

Even though my forum at http://mjac.forumco.com serves as place of support for men and women who are going through breakups, we also give advice for those who are over their breakup and back in the dating realm.

Recently someone asked me when the appropriate time is to tell someone you love them. Should the man say it first? Is that old fashioned? Is there a specific time limit as to when this should happen? Is there a specific environment in which this should happen? Or can it be random, like when you're walking down the street or shopping? Or even while having sex?

Let me know your thoughts! I'd be interested to hear how different people act in this situation.

Feel better!
MJ

Single for the holidays - survival tips!

Dear Broken Hearted Girl,

Let's face it, the holiday season is a blessing and a curse. It can be a joysous time to celebrate religion and family and it can be a time of sadness and despair, thinking of friends and relatives that have passed on and thinking about relationships that have fallen into disrepair. It can also prove a difficult time for those of us that are single.

Now me, I'm not single currently, which is great, but my boyfriend is spending the holidays in another state. I couldn't find a cat sitter for my little guys and my family here in Boston is traveling, so I am going to end up alone. But believe me, I have spent enough holidays either single or alone to deal with the pain.

So, what can you do to survive the season?


1) Volunteer. Do anything - and you don't have to do it ON Thanksgiving or Christmas or over Hannukah, you can do it inbetween those times and still get just as much satisfaction. Volunteering will also give you a good perspective about your life and just how great you have it compared to others.

2) Spend time with your nieces and nephews. That's right! Take off your shoes and sit indian-style on the floor. Color, do puzzles, play rock band, play hide and seek. Remember what the holidays are all about - family and love.

3) Visit your church, temple or mosque. When you're sad, it's a great time to reconnect with the spiritual.

4) Join a community so you can honestly bitch and moan about being single/alone over the holidays. Your friends love you, but sometimes it's easier to be totally honest with strangers whom have never heard your story before. Check out http://mjac.forumco.com for starters.

5) Reconnect with old friends. Send holiday cards or reach out via email and catch up with the people you love most.

Finally, remember that you're not 'really' alone. Although my family lives all around the world, I know that they love me and will be thinking about me on Christmas Day. I may be alone physically, but emotionally, I have all the support in the world.

Feel better!
MJ

An expert...

Check it out. I'm the first expert on the list. Click on my profile to read some breakup tips.

www.first30days.com/experts .

Other experts on the site: George Foreman, Tim Gunn, Carson Kressley, The CEO of Time Warner.

Feel better,
MJ

When is he your boyfriend?

Just a question - when do you know the guy you are dating is officially your boyfriend?

Do you ask him?
Do you assume that after a certain amount of time it's solidified?
Do you just randomly call him your boyfriend when introducing him to friends/family?
Do you wait until you've met his family?

When do you know? Tell me your stories!